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Woman exercising Self-love

Sobering stats on being a single female in New Zealand

All the single ladies, put your hands up! We have the 411 on what it takes to have a successful relationship. Spoiler alert: it starts with self-love.
Image: Supplied by Bumble. 

Getting back on the proverbial dating saddle – whether you’re coming out of a break-up or getting into it for the very first time – can be a daunting task, to say the least. Unless you meet someone through friends or work, you often have to rely on the veritable minefield that is dating apps, and put yourself at risk of getting sent an ~unsavoury~ image or getting ghosted after the second date. Exhausting. 

If dating is on your agenda for 2023, you might want to take a step back, according to a recent report conducted by dating app, Bumble. As you may or may not know, Bumble was the app that started a movement of sorts, allowing women to make the first move after matching with someone. 

Bumble’s study took place in February in Tamaki Makaurau/Auckland  and looked into the concept of self-love, and how single Kiwis feel about it. Because, while we may have heard it before, the relationship you have with yourself is important to consider before getting into one with someone else. So, without further ado: what do the stats say?

Clasped hands Self-love
Image sourced from Unsplash. 
Woman exercising Self-love

How do Kiwis practise self-love?

At its core, self-love refers to love or appreciation for oneself and prioritising one’s own happiness. What this may look like can differ from person to person, and the methods people use to achieve self-love may also be diverse. For 70% of single Kiwis, their go-to is having some time to themselves, followed by spending time with family and friends (55%), and 50% who preferred exercise (hello, endorphins!). A third (34%) of participants also like to practise self-love through beauty, skincare and massage. 

Of course, it’s not all about beauty and exercise; approximately one-in-three Kiwi singles practise self-love through self-pleasure and masturbation. Championing the conversation on masturbation are the young crowd with Millenials and Gen Z being top of the list, according to Bumble. 

I <3 Me

If Miley Cyrus’ new song Flowers has taught us anything, it’s that you can buy yourself flowers and do all of the things for yourself that could be fulfilled by a romantic partner. Of the single Kiwis who participated in Bumble’s survey, 73% thought that having high self-love was one of the best things to put you in good stead for a relationship. In fact, four out of every five participants thought that self-love has to come from within, and not from a partner. 

According to Bumble’s resident sexologist, Chantelle Otten, “Self-love is crucial when it comes to dating as it lays the foundation for healthy and fulfilling relationships. When you love and value yourself, you are able to attract partners who treat you with the same level of respect and love.”

Once entered into a relationship, many Kiwis also find that having a high sense of self-love helps them to be better partners, too. Things like expressing physical and emotional needs and having high sexual confidence are all easier when you love yourself.

Now entering: twenty-twenty-me. It’s our selfish-era

Okay, so we know that self-love is important. But with factors like lack of time and rising inflation,Kiwis are struggling to put ourselves first. With nearly half of us stating that emotional stress, lack of time or financial stress impacts their ability to practise self-love, something has got to change! Forget 2023, we’re now entering twenty-twenty-me, our official ‘selfish-era’. 

Start small. Whether it’s going for a 30-minute solo walk, getting in 10 minutes of meditation, or taking yourself on a wee coffee date, there are a multitude of cheap and time-efficient ways to get in some self-love. This is your year. Start now. 


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