Introducing Kelli Amirah, a 19-year-old Howard University student residing in Washington D.C, and one of the funniest people to grace the internet this month
December 6 was no ordinary day on Twitter, in fact it was almost more entertaining than some blockbuster movies. It was the day that Kelli documented the now-famous Uber story of her trying (really, really hard) to ask out her driver. If a social media hall of fame existed, this tale would be her inauguration.
Y’all I just shot my shot at an uber driver 😅
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
It all started on Saturday night, when me and my friends got an uber to this party.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
The driver called to let me know he was outside and I’m like bet, we’re coming. Hung up. Made the observation that his voice was fine af
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So we get in the car and I realize the voice match the person. He fine. He light bright. Got a beard. Wearing glasses. All good things
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So there’s minor small talk in the car, nothing major, And our destination is quickly approaching. But I’m not ready to shoot yet
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Meanwhile me and my friend in the car texting about the whole thing while she’s in the front seat and I’m in the back pic.twitter.com/DsUyd3nhul
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So like we pulling up to the spot and I don’t know what to do. So then I spur of the moment accidentally on-purpose leave my charger behind
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I’m like oops. Looks like I’ll just have to contact the driver about my lost item pic.twitter.com/qDU9LI6a8q
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I wait about a half hour or so before I go to the uber app to contact my driver about my “lost item” pic.twitter.com/vLPUsYoJZu
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I’m calling, and the phone is ringing… and ringing… Y’all I’m at this party in a corner like pic.twitter.com/Ub5zEXkkvh
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
… and then it goes to voicemail. But I wasn’t too hurt cuz it’s also like 1 am. I leave a message and decide to try again tomorrow
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So the next day I still haven’t heard shit back from this man. Mind you, I left my good charger in his car so my phone battery on struggle
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So like midday, around 2ish I call again… and once again get sent to voicemail pic.twitter.com/cBeeIfJYUc
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I leave another message but at this point I’m thinking how stupid this was. What if this man just keeps my charger? Why you do this Kelli
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
It finally reaches like midnight on Sunday and I still have heard nothing back. At this point, I’m ready to take the L pic.twitter.com/aJD3WTQOdT
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I go in the uber app & fill out the info on my lost item in hopes that maybe Uber can get this nigga to respond, because calling not working
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So fast forward to Monday night, I’m pressed, tryna cram for my Econ final. Questioning my whole college existence at this point TBH. pic.twitter.com/3srHehfbGI
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
In the midst of my studying, I check my phone and see a new message from an unknown number pic.twitter.com/RBUhFQ6zxG
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I’m excited. I finally got a response. I’m gonna get my charger back. And now I can actually shoot my shot. pic.twitter.com/gStfZ0jkBF
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I let him know I’m free today in between my finals from 11-2. He’s like send the address and I’ll try to make it. I’m like bet pic.twitter.com/K9Zw3SDoR2
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So fast forward to today. I’d been up all night studying Econ. Up at the ass crack of morning. Tiredt. Stressed. A mess honestly. pic.twitter.com/gGjhCqk0Hb
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Went and took my final at 8 am and was back in my dorm by 9:15. Y’all I was so tired. I set some alarms and knocked out
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So after snoozing like three different alarms I wake back up at 11 something and check my phone. He texted. pic.twitter.com/Pzfz3xFRI7
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Mind you, I look like death. Crust in my eyes, face bare. Wearing sweats and a hoodie. Looking hurt. pic.twitter.com/DxapoUL8gn
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I text him & ask if he can give me 20 min cuz I was in the middle of something. Really I needed time to get my life together & beat my face
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Hold on my phone bout to die.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Alright I found an outlet. Let’s continue
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So 20 min later I’ve achieved a light beat, look a little more put together. I’m ready. pic.twitter.com/yBODFZwv07
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Now this entire time I’m texting all my friends trying to figure out how I’m gonna shoot this shot. I’m shy and just trash at shooting shots
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So he finally texts me saying he’s here right as I finish my face. And now my anxiety acting up. I’m thinking bout if I really wanna do this pic.twitter.com/saR15bNr6S
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Luckily @RadicalBreezyy had come to my room and was hyping me up, making sure I didn’t chicken out
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So he lets me know where his car is and I’m like it’s go time. Don’t be a lil bitch. Take a breath and head outside pic.twitter.com/GezfGotFsc
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I head outside, into this brick ass drizzle, and I’m like sicing myself up as I walk. pic.twitter.com/aGpk6PCNQH
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I get to the car and knock on the passenger side window and he rolls it down. My anxiety… through the roof.
Me on the inside: pic.twitter.com/onpFSI2LrS
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I say hey and he’s like “oh hey wassup” and looks for my charger for .2 sec before handing it to me.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Now I have a good ass look at his face & I’m like he too fine, I can’t back down.So I’m thanking him for bringing it & he’s like no problem
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I can tell he’s about to make moves to leave so it’s now or never. Time to actually shoot this shot
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I say, “Excuse me if this is really forward, but would you like to go out sometime?” pic.twitter.com/XyomQzyHAn
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
And then he like chuckles and smiles, and says “Text me” pic.twitter.com/nHbiEn2Div
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So yeah. I shot my shot. It actually was successful. The end.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL…
Update: I hate my life. pic.twitter.com/bapaxnVFLI
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
This man is married. Has a whole ass wife. What.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
I’m really just sitting here so befuddled…
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
Why not just tell me upfront thooo. “Wanna go out sometime?” “I’m married” “okay cool. Bye”
— Nocturnal HoHoHo🎄✨ (@KelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
So, no Kelli and her Uber driver did not live happily ever after but she’s pretty internet famous now…
@KelliAmirah pic.twitter.com/0gN6fr3Wcy
— Deji Kofi Faremi (@deejayfaremi) December 13, 2016
@KelliAmirah I was rooting for you this entire time pic.twitter.com/1N9jdBF6Yf
— bri (@SauceyTacos) December 11, 2016
@KelliAmirah GIRLLLLLLLLLLLLL pic.twitter.com/owiN2SuCU5
— cat lady (@tittycat_) December 11, 2016
@KelliAmirah Why wasn’t he wearing his ring though pic.twitter.com/0s1f2HatEN
— Ciarra Hankins❁ (@ciarradorable) December 12, 2016
@KelliAmirah the Uber driver! pic.twitter.com/d32OedoXzT
— Dominique Coxson (@domdrives) December 12, 2016
@KelliAmirah where is he sis pic.twitter.com/DGCMq6D355
— sneaky snacky (@Maxine_Okwah) December 12, 2016
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